Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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