With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
