Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
in the future when you find clothing in your street, just assume it's mine.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Randomize
