Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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