I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Two words: blizzard sex
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
Randomize
