So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
She even gives head with a lisp.
They sat me on college avenue with a puke bucket and people were mistakenly throwing change in it. Got me enough money take a cab back to my apartment.
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Randomize
