why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You ever sit back and realize our friendship is based off us ranting at each other with random animal photos thrown in
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
