I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
