it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
you were so drunk that when the mouse on your laptop didnt work anymore you decided to just take it into the bathroom and pee on it while laughing like a mad scientist.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Randomize
