Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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