i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
I looked at my own cervix.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
It's totally a relationship. we have sex in other people's beds, watch mad men while high and get drunk on his teammates' beer. don't you dare stomp on my dreams with your societal judgments
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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