I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
Somewhere during foreplay he said something about me only being with two other guys... I just went with it cause we have never had that conversation...
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
Oh you know..Chillin with your dad.
With a fannypack full of drugs.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize