i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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