Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
IF THE GUY WHO I AM BORROWING OUR CAR FROM FINDS ONE CONDOM OR JIZZ STAIN IN THIS CAR HE IS GOING TO CASTRATE MY ASS. SERIOUSLY, DON'T FUCK IN THE CAR.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
