Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
what has two thumbs and is going to bang you boss on monday?
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
