just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize