The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
