I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
How could you give up sex for lent? I gave up religion for lent years ago and never looked back. Or give up civility, not sex.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
He goes from zero to fucking up in 2.4 drinks. Like the sportscar of bad decision making.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
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