Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
I don't know how it started but we all ended up shirtless andI was covered in crawfish and wearing a sombrero.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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