New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
