I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
Randomize
