the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
He spelled Steven with "ph", needless to say my nose was almost bleeding from the amount of axe he was wearing.
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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