Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
czant get you from the arport. sry i found the rum. dan sucks at rumpong jusrt so yo knoqw.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Randomize
