There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
You were drunk enough to sled down a highway off ramp in your pajamas….
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
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