I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
I have feelings that need drinking.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
you yelled, puked and cried then passed out in the fetal position in your underwear
Randomize
