It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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