You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
last nights episode of shot friends brought to you by polish vodka and flamingo baseball. pickles cure hangovers.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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