i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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