Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
His internet searches, listed chronologically: sex slave, volunteer sex slave, lava
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
Randomize
