thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Why do we always have to be the people who get blamed for animal intoxication incidents?
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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