he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
Just saw Santa sitting on a restaurant patio drinking beer and using his free hand to gesture to cars that he's watching them
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize