Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Apparently I came into our room and told her that there should be a zipline from our window to Walgreens so that I could get chicken noodle soup
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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