I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
And for 6 straight hours, I laid on my bedroom floor trying to convince myself it would perfectly acceptable to pee on my own floor
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
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