I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
well most of my day revolves around power hour
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
