Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Dude, you face planted, there was no "bar fight".
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
