allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Whatever she smells like compost and feathers.
I believe they call that patchouli.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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