I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
