Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
I must have drunkenly masturbated really loud last night, cause my roommate and his wife wont look at me
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
Randomize
