i need an iv and a liver transplant
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
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