The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
We talked him into tasing himself.
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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