Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
Randomize
