vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
Sober me does NOT approve of what went on in my pants last night.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
