I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
Yes my plan is to drink the college out of me so i can be an adult by monday
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Correction: *I* watched JoJo's Bizarre adventure while he snored asleep on me cock still fully inside me.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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