one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
