Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
i drank out of a bidet.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
She gave me a boner for the first time in 9 years.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
