Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
my mom asked if I found my Easter basket. it's 1PM & I got home an hour ago from last night. if I'm looking for anything, it's my dignity.
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
