tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
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