I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
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