Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
according to the contents of this bucket, last night i swallowed a whole teabag
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
Sorry for punching you in the face last night. I should have known the boxing gloves were a bad idea from the start.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
God I need to hump something, right now.
Randomize
