Got a toothbrush?
It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
