haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Randomize
