i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
She was trying to drink out of the beer bong and she thought it didn't work. Little did she know there was no beer in there. Then she got mad at us. Girls.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I'm going to get high and eat ice cream until the pain goes away. You're welcome to join.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
