I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
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