The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Quick, to the slutcave!
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
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