I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It involves me, my best friend, and a stripper and her mother.
Randomize
