dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Randomize
