And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
Basic items
Randomize