wat bout pragnant strippers??
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Went home with a dude from UF last night. Just dripped chicken onto my phone and then licked it off. Going to pick up a bridesmaid dress. Mid 20s in a nutshell.
Randomize
