dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
That and I was watching this life alert commercial and I'm pretty sure my liver turned up the volume for more information
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
