i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
There's nothing quite like having a little 8 year old boy hand me a Bible on campus while I'm on my way to the health center because of my recent slutty tendencies.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
My vagina is very pro this idea
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
