dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
