Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
All is fair in love and war and toga parties
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Randomize
