I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
