She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
My dick just stopped my iPhone from falling into the toilet.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I was like, booze is the closest thing I have to a father. Don't pour daddy down the sink
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
He showed me a picture of his family on Instagram and his dad was my Sugar Daddy. ABORT.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
