Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
I'm going to get a baby outfit made and send it to her that says: "My husband fucked his subordinate and all I got was another baby".
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
