His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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